first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
don't judge my taste in strippers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
