Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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