Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
