I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
