oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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