Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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