Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
