she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize