He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
