I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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