I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
