he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
