Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize