I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
