some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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