Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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