i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
