Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
