I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have aggressive nipples.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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