ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
