So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
