Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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