ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
