Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
