Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
