dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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