Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
