I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
