DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
