I'm really into asian looking animals
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
