he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
