I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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