girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
