his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
