Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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