I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize