I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have feelings that need drinking.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
