omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
