the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
