we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize