Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
