somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
