You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
