My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
