Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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