found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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