he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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