I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
