I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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