I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
