what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
