does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
