I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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