a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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