i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
