Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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