I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
