period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
