I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
