you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
